Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
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