I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
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