very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
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she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
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So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.