i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Randomize
