Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
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