i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
Randomize
