I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
We left the knife in your bed.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
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