he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
Randomize
