so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
Randomize
