I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
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