hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
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