I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
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