there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
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