He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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