So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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