YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
