it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
