If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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