I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
Randomize
