after a month anything with tits is on the radar
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize