someone threw a dead crab at me
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
Couch. On fire.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize
