I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
Randomize
