I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
