Your dad touched me again.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
Don't tell me you're on acid again
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
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