ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Randomize
