ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
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