WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Randomize
