peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
Randomize
