i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize
