omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
