maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
After tacos, we're chasing women.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Randomize
