party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
