He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
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