you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
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