i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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