my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
Randomize
