Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
