So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Randomize
