If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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