so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Randomize
