allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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