I haven't been this sober since birth.
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
Randomize
