i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
Randomize
