just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
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