brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
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