when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
