He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Randomize
