We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
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