So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
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