she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Randomize
