He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Randomize
