I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize
