You're a womanizer and a bitch.
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize
