Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
Randomize
