So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
Randomize