White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
