I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
