Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
Randomize
