just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
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