the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
