If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
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