Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
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I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
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Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
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