I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Randomize
