you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
Randomize
