My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
