I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
Randomize
