i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
