Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
