mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
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