dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
