What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
So much Jack, so little girl.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
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