Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Randomize
