His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Randomize
