Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
