how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
