It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Randomize
