I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
Randomize
