Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
