And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
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