is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
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I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
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Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
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