you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
Randomize
