Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
nutella sex= disaster
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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