While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
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Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
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We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
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