trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Randomize
