When we talk. Remind me of these topics, photoshop, my bday, threesomes, and cherekee indians. I swear these are real topics...
New topics to add when we talk, sweden, boxing, and the band journey
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
