Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
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